roots & rubble

dressed in blue hospital gown, they shut me on lock down. stuck pills on my tongue—chalky and chemical. told me they’d fix me, told me to swallow. labeled me broken, stigma and shame have the same name; they slithered in that day and decided to stay. told me I couldn’t. God said she can. He’s healer and redeemer, the only miracle maker.

shimmer of hope, a bright blast burst onto earth as the star came down, the Son, to shine as our sun and give light to a dead world. we grasped for the light switch, through eerie darkness. but our fingers got lost searching the wall. totally incapable of change or salvation. we need to become aware of our hole before we can be whole.

God’s mercy shone, brighter than 62 trillion light bulbs, He blinded us with warmth, light, true love. (we didn’t know before we were blind. His light gives us sight!). by the blood, made right in the eyes of our Maker. night’s ended for those that surrender.

Advertisements

that feeling when you get a gift and it’s awesome

hours curled on the kitchen floor, with each sigh and sniffle willing in sunshine or smiles, a new season, something.

when did life get so frowns and tears?

another tissue box shuffle–full to empty. empty and low. the sidewalks notice me. maybe. that’s how i feel.


flipping through this big, ancient, alive book I find this:

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

psalm 103:1-5

starving girl, an outward reflection of inner rejection. shredding myself, acidic mantras beaten into brain grooves deep and foreboding… stupid, ugly, never good

enough.

muscles fizz and spasm with unending tension, unable to function. bruised, beaten, distressed.

puffed up mind, torn apart soul

curled like a hedgehog or fallen leaf,

weeping sheepishly on the linoleum tiles

drowning slowly

in shame.


psalm 103:4

:WHO REDEEMS YOUR LIFE FROM THE PIT

how to hope for a saving hand, when already eleven feet under?

this takes Spirit and love beyond the border of stars and dark.

to believe in God though

death steals hearts near yours and

sickness feeds on your very bone marrow.

starving stomach, do you hope for sustenance

deferred heart, do you thump up to beat a melody, still?

dusty drum set

book spine uncracked

how does the lioness mama crouch to pounce after missing potential dinner twenty times

already


the healing came like crocuses and acrobat chickadees after a biting arctic melts under raw sun extract.

the rays of sun, like curls of flame, crackled and licked chilly waves of air. wild and unhindered, the fire consumed old chaff of life. Jesus–my Jesus– purifies my heart, electrifying each notebeat to compose a new rhythm, new land. like a tree gracing the forest ceiling, many take solace in His roots, bark, branches.

 

the healing came slowly then suddenly, and nothing of my own doing.  two cross beams nailed across east and west, Jesus hung there for me. lived and died and lived again. gives me life, too. this i know with all the atoms I’m composed of–He loves me.

dancing with the Author, His hand ever extended, Jesus invites you and me out of the pit. redemption. 

a free gift.

Rockbottom: The Place to Be

I was 18 when I fell off the cliff. Dark ate my soul’s hole–empty, alone, afraid. Sadness dripped from my eyes and nose. Shattered to the core. Always night.

Broken on the kitchen floor, sobbing, screaming, dying. Jesus walked into my life.

And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples,for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it,he said to them, “those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Mark 2:15-17

Jesus hung out with broken people–prostitutes, tax collectors, sinners, those aware of their need. He condemned the so called put together, the religious people.

But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.
Matthew 23:13

The leper, the bleeding, the dirty, the sinner, the least of these–the ones the world rejected–Jesus called beloved.

Good news for those who’ve fallen! Rockbottom is better than “having it all together”! For those who think they’re good on their own, don’t see their need for a Savior.. they perish.

I was once a Pharisee, blind and deceived. Like Saul become Paul, Jesus had mercy on me. He let me slam rockbottom! Humbled, grateful, saved from my sin through God’s free gift of grace in Christ Jesus, I sing a love song to my Savior. For redeeming all the pain, healing all the hurt, covering all rebellion, atoning all the dirty, washing me clean, softening my heart, opening my eyes to see the truth, loving me at my darkest.

Rockbottom.
Seems like end,
But is beginning

Rockbottom: the best thing that ever happened to me.

I hope God gives you a wake up call. I hope He shows you Himself.
I hope you hit rockbottom, too❤

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:18,24-25a

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians2:8-9

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16