spring birth

the periwinkle buds sparkle

sprouting like popcorn or pimples

butterflies break

out dark womb

unfolding papery orange limbs

she shot out into arms that waited for

her

birth broke records of ancient

earthen tupperware, volcanic store

too valuable to treasure too

priceless to score.

 

 

 

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the phenomenon of the single baby sock

the sock she pulled off during her nap she never took

is blue.

i remember how it protected her sole

until she decided

it was food.

rest it well, lost somewhere socks go

when they do.

 

 

 

our first mother’s day

little.  new. precious.

as you wiggle at my breast, eating and pooping. (already a multitasker. good job, girl), I ponder

how life turned upside down as you descended birth canal. you—this bundle of beauty—grew inside me?! my mind cannot know, this. now your tiny heart thumps near mine. your small bones. your mini kidneys. your tiny eyes that turn in their tiny holes. tell us, someone, how did soul enter child in womb?

sex, big belly, baby.

the world spun upside down when you came out of me.

like the first step off an airplane planted on fresh soil in foreign land—we’ve  upchucked old. welcome, new.

you were made to: fly out between my legs, fit inside my arms, flourish.

I am yours, you are mine.

I want to tell you life, to hold you infinity, to hug your smile and encourage your voice. each cell worthy, intentional, true. you are beauty! you are perfect! let no other voice speak.

as you sleep, time ticks.

I wonder the future: home movies you’ll make, wearing underwear as a hat, belting GOD BLESS MY UNDERPANTS! (like mother like daughter); bicycle cruises and crashes; cooking peanut butter in blender; dance fiestas; sleepovers; fountains of tears, peals of laughter.

May you soar.

May you see.

May you be all you’re made for.

child, I’ll love you, forever.

A Mother’s Heart

I’m pregnant. About to pop, really.

Eight months or so ago, when the faint double pink line emerged from underneath my pee stream, I gobbledeecroomageaddeon! What is gobbledeecroomageaddeon!, you ask? Why it’s the feeling a woman gets when the test says yes. For some, gobbledeecroomageaddeon! equals elation. For others, terror. My gobbledeecroomageaddeon! was: there’s a herd of buffalos stampeding towards me but I can’t run because I’m a MERMAID!!

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Or something like that.

And so, as I attempted to flop my fin-butt away from charging, oversized mammals, it quickly became evident that I could not. JESUS, HELP!

I was not big-belly, serene mamamaid overnight:

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Nope.  That “pregnancy glow” was my sweat glands vomiting.

My brain went something like this:

I have no idea what I’m doing. How can I be a mom?! I don’t know how to care for a baby. Let alone raise a child. What if this, what if that, what if….. GOBBLEDEECROOMAGEADDEON!!

With all things, God’s way is the truth. I gathered my placenta brain and opened the Bible.

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BAM! 

Fear is not from God!

Father, I thank You that You have not given me a spirit of fear. I thank You for giving me a Spirit of power, of love, and of self-control.

Slowly, like the bun rising in my oven, God delivered me from fear by helping me respond in faith towards scripture.

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God gives us, not some, but ALL things needed for life and godliness!

In Christ, I have everything I need to be this baby’s momma.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

Psalm 23:1

 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places

Ephesians 1:3

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

When curious friends, family, and strangers touching my tummy ask if I’m scared to give birth or raise a human, I smile and express gratitude towards God. Jesus changed my motherhood, my gobbledeecroomageaddeon!, from fear to faith.