reflect

my green eyes searched the rectangular reflection hanging on the back of my parent’s bedroom door.  from hair to heel, I ripped myself apart like a leopard does prey, comparing myself to asparagus thin, pristine women on glossy magazine covers from the grocery store. that 2D woman, posed alluringly with little clothing, told me how to look. her motionless, plump, red lips spoke to me an ideal and an only—that I could look like her, or be ugly. my acne, pointy nose, fat on my thighs, drew the conclusion: I was not good enough. no matter how much foundation I caked on, or how long I spent frying my hair with a straight iron, I couldn’t cross the chasm of beauty. I saw what i wasn’t. steady corrosion eroded me into a thin blanket of apologies. I collapsed.

waking up in a thicket of emerald ferns feathering a forest floor…was not what I expected. roots poked out of the earth like half bridge knobs. ancient bark soared tall, seen it all—laughter and tears, death and love. people who pined, searching their lifetime, the world over, for peace. that sometimes dull, sometimes screaming desire. starving, pain. universal earth ache. throbbing to be noticed, asking “do you love me?”

the dancing leaves and towering trees spoke testament: cosmic turmoil contained in every flesh tent. I knew it well. craving but never relieved. burning for more; born with flames tickling my  heart. a “do you love me?” echoed through the forest, through my lifetime. men came and went. one stayed for life. still I hungered. I searched—under clouds and stones, behind trunks and waterfalls, in human hands. nothing. who could whole this furious, yearning hole?!

a mere shadow of life, I crumpled under the tree canopy.

a crimson droplet cascaded through the leaves, dripped on my nose, drew my eyes up. life rain, love reigning. God sacrificed Himself, bloodied, beaten, killed by those He formed and desired. life for life. this God took my place, created a way for my wayward heart to be welcomed home! oh what LOVE! how could it be? tentative and aware of my stains, I timidly crouched under a fern. hiding. wishing. wondering. he beckoned me. me?? incredulous, i stayed hidden. already seen, fully known, yet totally loved. how?! such outrageous love seemed unreal.

yet, the love soaked me, sang my missing note, completed my puzzle. i was inside out, upside down, undone in the presence of soul saturating desire so passionate and sacrificing. I knew: I am LOVED. drawn out of hiding, led into light. that second of rapturous delight transformed me. forever clean. thank you Jesus.

woke up new on the shag carpet bedroom floor. once puddle but now sunrise, I beamed. a cross hammered hand reached down for me. set me free, loved me from scalding burns and tornado turns to healing and a whole heart.

looking into that same mirror, I reflect the forest. the soft ferns and gentle breeze found in my hair and graceful nose. Love found me.

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bodyy symphonyy

IMAG2522_1

A poem prayer for people today–people you and people me. People us. People not us. People all. Singing together to the Maker of people. People: Designed to dance. Made to praise. People = lost outside the original design. People us cannot be found until we’re lost. We find our life when we lose ourselves in the Conductor of creation.

a conversation

“have you felt the tug
for more
the longing to be who you truly are
you try try try try try try try try
try more
yet in all your try-ing
you end up on the floor
(again).”

“yeh!’

“the Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God
the Bible says the wages of sin is death
(don’t take my word, get into the Word yourself).”

“if sin leads to death, is there any way out?
is there a lifeline? hope? HeLp??!!?
(I need help…)”

“there is a Way:
Jesus.
He loves you so He died your death so you could
live.
just believe.”

“CRIKEY COOKIES. come again?!?!!!
so, you’re saying, I TOTALLY offended the King of the UNIVERSE who knows everything I
do
think
say
wrong
and He is JUST so He’s gotta judge which means I’m totally DEAD,
and there was NOTHING I could do about it???”

“yes.”

“BUT! (biggest but ever) God loves me! so He took my place! right?”

“correct. believe in Jesus. we’re saved by grace through faith. salvation is a free gift. what do you do with a gift?”

“regift to my great aunt, Flowita!! love her! she’s a professional fruitcake baker”

“??? well, usually you just open it, and enjoy it.”

“Oh, WoW! thank you Jesus!
AHHhhhhHhhhhHhH!!!!!!!!” *breakdancing and olympic singing into the sunset*

#gospel #goodnews #grace

stem-vein-petal, lavish photo of grace

heart palpitations patter pitter as earth shatters into 8,000,001 pot shards

tectonic plates broken

Son of Man broken on a tree for us

end ahead

beginning anew

today tomorrow forever

better than yesterday with You.

ending disguised by distraction

slumbering society: WAKE!

factions say this

denomination say that

tick tock time’s out

will you agree now?

Jesus is Lord

His love can bring you on board,

en route to eternity with a King whose majesty

outshines all light & bright

too beautiful to say

too awesome to contain

Creator, Sustainer, I can know You–for real?? For real. For REAL!!!

AHH!

each breath I enter

each exhale surrender

never exit

always present

undone

in Your gaze.

prayer-full ears

Prayer: the ladder from Your heart to mine, an every second climb, an every moment waterfall.

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words.
Ecclesiastes 5:1‭-‬3 ESV

declaration

“I created you to worship Me in a way only you can”

Lately I’ve been wasting life by living for myself. No longer! I declare war on my flesh! I confess I’m victorious in Christ! I was created by God, for God. I’ve been bought with the costliest price: the blood of Christ. I refuse selfishness; I die to myself!

Hear my battle cry: aYiiiiiiIIIIIIAHMUACKUUUOreeee! Roar! Muhaawau! WoooiiiiiiiiimuaYeS!!

Jesus I’m yours because you are mine. I want all of you like you gave all of you for all of me. I’m ready to be made one with you. You say those that love you keep your commandments. I ask you to help me establish a pattern of obedience in my life. Thank you I fight from a position of victory, won through your finished work on the cross. I love you Lord. Increase my love because you first loved me!

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24‭-‬27 NLT