last inhale

do  you know the leaves’ names (personal–not scientific)

in class of 1683?

how many breaths are left in your lung pouches?

esophagus closes like a casket

the sky bleeds in baskets

time, names, roots, numbers–meaningless if God slumbers

(He’s alive, keeping cells and molecules in place)

walruses blink

youth melts

paint runs

gravity’s race

sky water slips down like thirty-eight yesterdays

what even stays the same?

is there a sane anchor in madness?

where is order? who is peace?

how can death be displaced?

apart from origin, away from Creator, confusion and emptiness cause heart craters

empty eyes, hollow chests when we think we know best

have you ever made a boulder or spoke to form a glacier?

have you crafted a giraffe, do you know how to make the stars laugh?

were you there when heaven’s Miracle melted earth, rebirthed, second breath?

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

 

Advertisements

disclosure

I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’m a wife but how do I be married? I have a kid but how do I be a mom? I have a brain but how do I think healthily? I have a heart but what does it beat for? I have hands but for what do I use them? I have feet but where do I go?

I don’t know. I can’t pretend to know

any longer.

I can use internet to know,

but he is just as confused as I am.

I can ask all the people swimming around me,

but how can someone who doesn’t know how to swim save a drowning soul?

We’re all pretending we know.

We like to think we know.

Deep down we all know we don’t know. Look at sad. Look at worry. Look at mad and fear and reaching for the remote. the cigarette. the bottle. the pill. the credit card. the pennies. the other person.

Look at

the existence of bombs.

broken hearts.

spilled blood.

Fumbling my way through is not my avenue.

There’s this book called the Bible. the more I know it’s Author and I become what He says, the more I stop stumbling.

There’s this thing, this thing that I never knew existed, before I met Him. It’s called peace. And it’s awesome. Being at peace with God is the best. Living His way by His grace, there’s nothing like it on all the earth. No amount of money, makeup, work, being “good” can compare or purchase this happy, this joy. This joy is a gift. Available to all.

receive by faith.

I have no idea what I’m doing. but God knows exactly what He’s doing.

the only thing I know

is Him.

and I’m okay. ❤

roots & rubble

dressed in blue hospital gown, they shut me on lock down. stuck pills on my tongue—chalky and chemical. told me they’d fix me, told me to swallow. labeled me broken, stigma and shame have the same name; they slithered in that day and decided to stay. told me I couldn’t. God said she can. He’s healer and redeemer, the only miracle maker.

shimmer of hope, a bright blast burst onto earth as the star came down, the Son, to shine as our sun and give light to a dead world. we grasped for the light switch, through eerie darkness. but our fingers got lost searching the wall. totally incapable of change or salvation. we need to become aware of our hole before we can be whole.

God’s mercy shone, brighter than 62 trillion light bulbs, He blinded us with warmth, light, true love. (we didn’t know before we were blind. His light gives us sight!). by the blood, made right in the eyes of our Maker. night’s ended for those that surrender.

fresh

tectonic threads woven in earthen

womb loom–

shifting, shaping, becoming.

baby star blossoms,

chick tinkers with her wings,

light breaks night, shatters dark, develops

day.

one click and stark, charred film

fades away.

one tock tick and yesterday

gives way

to new volume.

kaleidoscope wonder world.

juicy jungle’s

innocent seeds

summon

cloud

tears.

lush light

fire bulb bursts,

blossoming in the east

like frost-licked crocuses

tasting

spring.

majenta, violet, floral

embers frolic,

dripping and dreaming

fresh mercy.

crisp, pure tweets pierce solitude,

calling dusty sleepers:

Awake!

the King,

enthralled with her beauty

desires

to dance

with His bride.

 

Psalm 45:11

and the king will desire your beauty.

reflect

my green eyes searched the rectangular reflection hanging on the back of my parent’s bedroom door.  from hair to heel, I ripped myself apart like a leopard does prey, comparing myself to asparagus thin, pristine women on glossy magazine covers from the grocery store. that 2D woman, posed alluringly with little clothing, told me how to look. her motionless, plump, red lips spoke to me an ideal and an only—that I could look like her, or be ugly. my acne, pointy nose, fat on my thighs, drew the conclusion: I was not good enough. no matter how much foundation I caked on, or how long I spent frying my hair with a straight iron, I couldn’t cross the chasm of beauty. I saw what i wasn’t. steady corrosion eroded me into a thin blanket of apologies. I collapsed.

waking up in a thicket of emerald ferns feathering a forest floor…was not what I expected. roots poked out of the earth like half bridge knobs. ancient bark soared tall, seen it all—laughter and tears, death and love. people who pined, searching their lifetime, the world over, for peace. that sometimes dull, sometimes screaming desire. starving, pain. universal earth ache. throbbing to be noticed, asking “do you love me?”

the dancing leaves and towering trees spoke testament: cosmic turmoil contained in every flesh tent. I knew it well. craving but never relieved. burning for more; born with flames tickling my  heart. a “do you love me?” echoed through the forest, through my lifetime. men came and went. one stayed for life. still I hungered. I searched—under clouds and stones, behind trunks and waterfalls, in human hands. nothing. who could whole this furious, yearning hole?!

a mere shadow of life, I crumpled under the tree canopy.

a crimson droplet cascaded through the leaves, dripped on my nose, drew my eyes up. life rain, love reigning. God sacrificed Himself, bloodied, beaten, killed by those He formed and desired. life for life. this God took my place, created a way for my wayward heart to be welcomed home! oh what LOVE! how could it be? tentative and aware of my stains, I timidly crouched under a fern. hiding. wishing. wondering. he beckoned me. me?? incredulous, i stayed hidden. already seen, fully known, yet totally loved. how?! such outrageous love seemed unreal.

yet, the love soaked me, sang my missing note, completed my puzzle. i was inside out, upside down, undone in the presence of soul saturating desire so passionate and sacrificing. I knew: I am LOVED. drawn out of hiding, led into light. that second of rapturous delight transformed me. forever clean. thank you Jesus.

woke up new on the shag carpet bedroom floor. once puddle but now sunrise, I beamed. a cross hammered hand reached down for me. set me free, loved me from scalding burns and tornado turns to healing and a whole heart.

looking into that same mirror, I reflect the forest. the soft ferns and gentle breeze found in my hair and graceful nose. Love found me.

stem-vein-petal, lavish photo of grace

heart palpitations patter pitter as earth shatters into 8,000,001 pot shards

tectonic plates broken

Son of Man broken on a tree for us

end ahead

beginning anew

today tomorrow forever

better than yesterday with You.

ending disguised by distraction

slumbering society: WAKE!

factions say this

denomination say that

tick tock time’s out

will you agree now?

Jesus is Lord

His love can bring you on board,

en route to eternity with a King whose majesty

outshines all light & bright

too beautiful to say

too awesome to contain

Creator, Sustainer, I can know You–for real?? For real. For REAL!!!

AHH!

each breath I enter

each exhale surrender

never exit

always present

undone

in Your gaze.

declaration

“I created you to worship Me in a way only you can”

Lately I’ve been wasting life by living for myself. No longer! I declare war on my flesh! I confess I’m victorious in Christ! I was created by God, for God. I’ve been bought with the costliest price: the blood of Christ. I refuse selfishness; I die to myself!

Hear my battle cry: aYiiiiiiIIIIIIAHMUACKUUUOreeee! Roar! Muhaawau! WoooiiiiiiiiimuaYeS!!

Jesus I’m yours because you are mine. I want all of you like you gave all of you for all of me. I’m ready to be made one with you. You say those that love you keep your commandments. I ask you to help me establish a pattern of obedience in my life. Thank you I fight from a position of victory, won through your finished work on the cross. I love you Lord. Increase my love because you first loved me!

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24‭-‬27 NLT

details

You’re in the chemical composition of lava and

cake crumbs.

Petal curvature and moon ovature.

The grooves of disco and tree bark.

Space dust and ant biceps.

You’re in apple bottoms looking like spiders and

my nose.

You dance in wind,

laugh in river rapids,

paint in coral.

You’re the mystery,

the answer,

the God of my heart thump.

 

life voice

Life is choices.  Every moment we choose. What do our choices say about what we love? What does our life say about what we believe? If someone only observed, not heard, you, what would they conclude?

True belief is manifested in action, not just words. If you hear an earthquake is going to hit this time tomorrow, but you don’t do anything to prepare, you would show denial. Your actions say you don’t believe an earthquake is imminent. However, if you act on what you heard by preparing for an emergency (rushing to the store to buy jugs of water and canned food, withdrawing cash from your bank account, calling loved ones, etc.), your actions demonstrate your faith that what you heard is true. In the same way, when we obey Christ, we demonstrate faith. When we disobey Christ we demonstrate doubt. The  most  bizarre thing would be to say you believe the earthquake is coming but not to do anything.  Many people live this way. They may call themselves a Christian but their lives deny Christ. The Bible says faith without action is dead.

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works; and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God. You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.
James 2:14‭-‬26

Faith shows belief. There is no faith without action.

The grace of God is God choosing us despite our rebellion. It’s God giving us favor when we deserve wrath. Grace is God sending Jesus to bear our punishment for sin. Grace is the gift. Faith is how we receive this gift.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Ephesians 2:8‭-‬9
We can choose God because He first chose us. It is only through surrendering to Jesus and being filled with the Holy Spirit that we can live a life pleasing to God!

Choices are building blocks. Each tiny choice counts. The moment to moment choices comprise a life. The biggest choice we are faced with is whether we believe God or not. God gives us the choice to choose Him or deny Him because He loves us. To believe in or to deny His Son.

Choosing Jesus is not a one time choice. It’s not praying a prayer once. It’s a lifestyle of faith. Faith is choosing to believe God.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1

If we were forced to love God, it would be no love at all. Our choosing God over other lesser things shows our love for Him. Like in the garden of Eden, where God gave Adam and Eve the choice to eat the forbidden fruit or not, God gives us choices to test us. To show if our love for Him is truly genuine or not.

Choices are the voice of our lives. What we choose says what we believe. What are your actions speaking?

It’s not too late to let God change your story. Every little choice counts. Choose to trust Jesus. Continue to choose Him every day through obedience to His Word and His Spirit.

Choose wisely. Live with intention. Don’t loose the chance to choose the God who chose you through the cross.  If there’s breath in your lungs, there’s a chance to choose rightly.

Let go. Trust Jesus. Be free. Grace says it’s not too late for you.

You have been chosen. Will you believe?
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
1 Peter 1:3‭-‬5