love sacrifices

“I tried breathing but water filled my lungs. sinking, helpless, I blacked out. You dived in, your robes flowing behind you. pushed water aside with each swimming stride, you sank to my depth, got wet, wrapped your arms around my limp body and picked me off the watery floor. though others would say she’s a goner, won’t last much longer, You said it is finished and died in my place. You gave me air. and a hug. the deepest parts of me—seen and loved. If not for you, Jesus, I’d be cold flesh decaying on the ocean bed.”

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

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reflect

my green eyes searched the rectangular reflection hanging on the back of my parent’s bedroom door.  from hair to heel, I ripped myself apart like a leopard does prey, comparing myself to asparagus thin, pristine women on glossy magazine covers from the grocery store. that 2D woman, posed alluringly with little clothing, told me how to look. her motionless, plump, red lips spoke to me an ideal and an only—that I could look like her, or be ugly. my acne, pointy nose, fat on my thighs, drew the conclusion: I was not good enough. no matter how much foundation I caked on, or how long I spent frying my hair with a straight iron, I couldn’t cross the chasm of beauty. I saw what i wasn’t. steady corrosion eroded me into a thin blanket of apologies. I collapsed.

waking up in a thicket of emerald ferns feathering a forest floor…was not what I expected. roots poked out of the earth like half bridge knobs. ancient bark soared tall, seen it all—laughter and tears, death and love. people who pined, searching their lifetime, the world over, for peace. that sometimes dull, sometimes screaming desire. starving, pain. universal earth ache. throbbing to be noticed, asking “do you love me?”

the dancing leaves and towering trees spoke testament: cosmic turmoil contained in every flesh tent. I knew it well. craving but never relieved. burning for more; born with flames tickling my  heart. a “do you love me?” echoed through the forest, through my lifetime. men came and went. one stayed for life. still I hungered. I searched—under clouds and stones, behind trunks and waterfalls, in human hands. nothing. who could whole this furious, yearning hole?!

a mere shadow of life, I crumpled under the tree canopy.

a crimson droplet cascaded through the leaves, dripped on my nose, drew my eyes up. life rain, love reigning. God sacrificed Himself, bloodied, beaten, killed by those He formed and desired. life for life. this God took my place, created a way for my wayward heart to be welcomed home! oh what LOVE! how could it be? tentative and aware of my stains, I timidly crouched under a fern. hiding. wishing. wondering. he beckoned me. me?? incredulous, i stayed hidden. already seen, fully known, yet totally loved. how?! such outrageous love seemed unreal.

yet, the love soaked me, sang my missing note, completed my puzzle. i was inside out, upside down, undone in the presence of soul saturating desire so passionate and sacrificing. I knew: I am LOVED. drawn out of hiding, led into light. that second of rapturous delight transformed me. forever clean. thank you Jesus.

woke up new on the shag carpet bedroom floor. once puddle but now sunrise, I beamed. a cross hammered hand reached down for me. set me free, loved me from scalding burns and tornado turns to healing and a whole heart.

looking into that same mirror, I reflect the forest. the soft ferns and gentle breeze found in my hair and graceful nose. Love found me.

bodyy symphonyy

IMAG2522_1

A poem prayer for people today–people you and people me. People us. People not us. People all. Singing together to the Maker of people. People: Designed to dance. Made to praise. People = lost outside the original design. People us cannot be found until we’re lost. We find our life when we lose ourselves in the Conductor of creation.

Recipe for Frosted Whimsy

1 inch octopus tongue
Christmas morning
3 watts firefly butt
88 sunshine beam smiles
9 cups pebbles, sprinkles, dew medley
1 pond warm fuzzies
4 baby yaks
3 friends
For the frosting:
6 gallons fairy turds
2 whale songs
1/4 cup daisy doilies
11 minutes wind chime melody
top right corner of sunrise from September 5, 1542
Mix well.

Enjoy with your neighbors. Dance long. Sing strong. Look up. Rest. Run. Laugh till the fun’s done. Repeat.

a conversation

“have you felt the tug
for more
the longing to be who you truly are
you try try try try try try try try
try more
yet in all your try-ing
you end up on the floor
(again).”

“yeh!’

“the Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God
the Bible says the wages of sin is death
(don’t take my word, get into the Word yourself).”

“if sin leads to death, is there any way out?
is there a lifeline? hope? HeLp??!!?
(I need help…)”

“there is a Way:
Jesus.
He loves you so He died your death so you could
live.
just believe.”

“CRIKEY COOKIES. come again?!?!!!
so, you’re saying, I TOTALLY offended the King of the UNIVERSE who knows everything I
do
think
say
wrong
and He is JUST so He’s gotta judge which means I’m totally DEAD,
and there was NOTHING I could do about it???”

“yes.”

“BUT! (biggest but ever) God loves me! so He took my place! right?”

“correct. believe in Jesus. we’re saved by grace through faith. salvation is a free gift. what do you do with a gift?”

“regift to my great aunt, Flowita!! love her! she’s a professional fruitcake baker”

“??? well, usually you just open it, and enjoy it.”

“Oh, WoW! thank you Jesus!
AHHhhhhHhhhhHhH!!!!!!!!” *breakdancing and olympic singing into the sunset*

#gospel #goodnews #grace