that feeling when you get a gift and it’s awesome

hours curled on the kitchen floor, with each sigh and sniffle willing in sunshine or smiles, a new season, something.

when did life get so frowns and tears?

another tissue box shuffle–full to empty. empty and low. the sidewalks notice me. maybe. that’s how i feel.

flipping through this big, ancient, alive book I find this:

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

psalm 103:1-5

starving girl, an outward reflection of inner rejection. shredding myself, acidic mantras beaten into brain grooves deep and foreboding… stupid, ugly, never good


muscles fizz and spasm with unending tension, unable to function. bruised, beaten, distressed.

puffed up mind, torn apart soul

curled like a hedgehog or fallen leaf,

weeping sheepishly on the linoleum tiles

drowning slowly

in shame.

psalm 103:4


how to hope for a saving hand, when already eleven feet under?

this takes Spirit and love beyond the border of stars and dark.

to believe in God though

death steals hearts near yours and

sickness feeds on your very bone marrow.

starving stomach, do you hope for sustenance

deferred heart, do you thump up to beat a melody, still?

dusty drum set

book spine uncracked

how does the lioness mama crouch to pounce after missing potential dinner twenty times


the healing came like crocuses and acrobat chickadees after a biting arctic melts under raw sun extract.

the rays of sun, like curls of flame, crackled and licked chilly waves of air. wild and unhindered, the fire consumed old chaff of life. Jesus–my Jesus– purifies my heart, electrifying each notebeat to compose a new rhythm, new land. like a tree gracing the forest ceiling, many take solace in His roots, bark, branches.


the healing came slowly then suddenly, and nothing of my own doing.  two cross beams nailed across east and west, Jesus hung there for me. lived and died and lived again. gives me life, too. this i know with all the atoms I’m composed of–He loves me.

dancing with the Author, His hand ever extended, Jesus invites you and me out of the pit. redemption. 

a free gift.


paint chips or chipped paint

chunky headphones curve over me like earmuffs. i feel cool wearing them as i strut down sidewalk squares.

i’m just earthen pottery, really.

the Cool One spoke, named, and upholds stars.

a potted plant contrasts a pool of cement
a flamingo pecks at tin cans in a monochromatic dump
a patch of blue sky and cottonball clouds peak through coughing smog
:glimpses of beauty in dirt

Jesus– bountiful supplier of life things like oxygen and hope– offers love, a free gift.

what is ocean’s measure

under boundaries of sky

how do clouds glide

where do minds

dance to

at night?

The lesson I’ve learned 2,436 times since 1990

A Thursday in November:

He wraps his long, muscular arms around my shoulders, kisses my forehead, whispers in my ear “I love you.”

Even when my wonderful husband acts on point, loving me incredibly, it’s not enough to satisfy the raging craving in my starved soul. 

How many times will elderly, up high cotton balls drip rain, how many minutes will leave– eroding the time bank,  how many exhales will escape before I know in my heart of soul, no man can satisfy me. 

When single and even that I’m now married, I look for ice cream in a tree, search for hugs from birds [looking in all the wrong places]. Like a baby tortoise learning to waltz, I’ve tripped over my toes, trying to get satisfaction from people. 

God created us to be loved by Him! Floods of grace, finally whole. How did I go so long with the hole in my soul. 

Found. Loved. Satisfied in the arms of my Savior, Jesus❤