Cacoon Break

Like stiff, porous coral my stone heart thudded, maimed & mauled to past recognition, imprisoned in its ribcage.

The precarious scaffolding I constructed collapsed with a great crash and cloud of debris. My haphazard attempt at being a Christian on my own strength left me broken, drifting, lost, wanting. My heart dulled and throbbing, scarred and hardened.

I’d only heard of intimacy.

To be fully known and fully loved. Unconditional, unrelenting, fierce love. Perfect love.

wait—YES!

My heart leaps in my chest, thumping like a timpani. “That’s what I’ve been waiting for my whole life!” It fangirl squeals. “Why did I ever settle for less? Why did I settle for eyedropper sprinkles of God’s grace when I could’ve had an ocean the size of outer space?!”

Yes, I’ve been waiting for this good news since sliding out the womb and crying my first breath of earth air. Since I hated myself at age 13. Since the unwelcome leech “too” came to town—my legs too veiny and my nose too pointy. My thighs too round and my toenails too yellowed. Since the boys didn’t like me. Since I didn’t like me. Since comparison to other females said I’d never be enough. Since my heart fractured a decade and a half ago. Since the rain cloud settled over my sunken spine. Since anxiety took over. I’ve been waiting.

Like the sun bursting up—cutting through the black night devoid of light, God pours His love into my heart. Oh the SON! SHINING!! Bright and brilliant, my heart can barely contain such warm joy! Such love too marvelous for a sinner like me. Inscrutable yet comforting. Day is here! oh, thank You LORD!

Now I know: I am loved! Cherished! Delighted in! Beautiful!

For the Son of God bled and died for my sins. He bore the penalty for my transgression and rebellion against  Him. Now, through God-given faith in Jesus… I am free. God, thank You, Lord, for saving me!!!<3

Romans 5:1-11

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

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a child’s cry looking at night sky

Lord,

I confess to being dust.

The mountains, ocean, and stars tell me:

I am small.

You are big. Majestic. Glorious. Strong. Perfect. Awe-inspiring. All-powerful. All-knowing. All-present. All-loving. Creator God. King. Lord. Master. Saviour. Father.

At Your Word, my mortal atoms tremble. You are outside of time. I am a vapor; my life’s a blink.

Like a flower of the field, I fade at the first frost. My life’s fragile and fleeting. My life’s at Your mercy.

I droop and die, then decompose to live an eternity with my Beloved King, through the shed blood of His Son Jesus.

You are big. i am small.

Amen<3

Psalm 148

Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord from the heavens;
    praise him in the heights!
Praise him, all his angels;
    praise him, all his hosts!

Praise him, sun and moon,
    praise him, all you shining stars!
Praise him, you highest heavens,
    and you waters above the heavens!

Let them praise the name of the Lord!
    For he commanded and they were created.
 And he established them forever and ever;
    he gave a decree, and it shall not pass away.

Praise the Lord from the earth,
    you great sea creatures and all deeps,
fire and hail, snow and mist,
    stormy wind fulfilling his word!

Mountains and all hills,
    fruit trees and all cedars!
Beasts and all livestock,
    creeping things and flying birds!

Kings of the earth and all peoples,
    princes and all rulers of the earth!
Young men and maidens together,
    old men and children!

Let them praise the name of the Lord,
    for his name alone is exalted;
    his majesty is above earth and heaven.
 He has raised up a horn for his people,
    praise for all his saints,
    for the people of Israel who are near to him.
Praise the Lord!