last inhale

do  you know the leaves’ names (personal–not scientific)

in class of 1683?

how many breaths are left in your lung pouches?

esophagus closes like a casket

the sky bleeds in baskets

time, names, roots, numbers–meaningless if God slumbers

(He’s alive, keeping cells and molecules in place)

walruses blink

youth melts

paint runs

gravity’s race

sky water slips down like thirty-eight yesterdays

what even stays the same?

is there a sane anchor in madness?

where is order? who is peace?

how can death be displaced?

apart from origin, away from Creator, confusion and emptiness cause heart craters

empty eyes, hollow chests when we think we know best

have you ever made a boulder or spoke to form a glacier?

have you crafted a giraffe, do you know how to make the stars laugh?

were you there when heaven’s Miracle melted earth, rebirthed, second breath?

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

 

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disclosure

I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’m a wife but how do I be married? I have a kid but how do I be a mom? I have a brain but how do I think healthily? I have a heart but what does it beat for? I have hands but for what do I use them? I have feet but where do I go?

I don’t know. I can’t pretend to know

any longer.

I can use internet to know,

but he is just as confused as I am.

I can ask all the people swimming around me,

but how can someone who doesn’t know how to swim save a drowning soul?

We’re all pretending we know.

We like to think we know.

Deep down we all know we don’t know. Look at sad. Look at worry. Look at mad and fear and reaching for the remote. the cigarette. the bottle. the pill. the credit card. the pennies. the other person.

Look at

the existence of bombs.

broken hearts.

spilled blood.

Fumbling my way through is not my avenue.

There’s this book called the Bible. the more I know it’s Author and I become what He says, the more I stop stumbling.

There’s this thing, this thing that I never knew existed, before I met Him. It’s called peace. And it’s awesome. Being at peace with God is the best. Living His way by His grace, there’s nothing like it on all the earth. No amount of money, makeup, work, being “good” can compare or purchase this happy, this joy. This joy is a gift. Available to all.

receive by faith.

I have no idea what I’m doing. but God knows exactly what He’s doing.

the only thing I know

is Him.

and I’m okay. ❤

roots & rubble

dressed in blue hospital gown, they shut me on lock down. stuck pills on my tongue—chalky and chemical. told me they’d fix me, told me to swallow. labeled me broken, stigma and shame have the same name; they slithered in that day and decided to stay. told me I couldn’t. God said she can. He’s healer and redeemer, the only miracle maker.

shimmer of hope, a bright blast burst onto earth as the star came down, the Son, to shine as our sun and give light to a dead world. we grasped for the light switch, through eerie darkness. but our fingers got lost searching the wall. totally incapable of change or salvation. we need to become aware of our hole before we can be whole.

God’s mercy shone, brighter than 62 trillion light bulbs, He blinded us with warmth, light, true love. (we didn’t know before we were blind. His light gives us sight!). by the blood, made right in the eyes of our Maker. night’s ended for those that surrender.

momentary

smooth, green bench frozen in cement rectangle,

like memories that scare, scream for attention,

lodged in crevices of file cabinets on lobes,

creeping forward to say hello.

tin trash bin containing yesterday’s debris,

today’s discontent, stationed at curb,

ready to descend.

seagull licks ice cream puddle underneath pay phone.

man in purple tie clips by.

a cloud observes, cries, floats forward.

at least gravity isn’t backwards.

fresh

tectonic threads woven in earthen

womb loom–

shifting, shaping, becoming.

baby star blossoms,

chick tinkers with her wings,

light breaks night, shatters dark, develops

day.

one click and stark, charred film

fades away.

one tock tick and yesterday

gives way

to new volume.

kaleidoscope wonder world.

juicy jungle’s

innocent seeds

summon

cloud

tears.

I know him!

 

this movie scene makes my heart pitter patter thump extra much wow! Buddy knew Santa as a person. He had a friendship, a love, a history with him. Buddy knew Santa’s favourite cookie, his shoe size, his lopsided smile and his endearing wink. Buddy’s reaction to the announcement of Santa’s coming says it all!

if the intercom of life bellowed “Jesus is coming back!” how would your heart respond? with winsome anticipation or distant ambivalence?

Jesus, I want to know you more! you paid my debt and saved my life and filled me with your endless love. thank you so much. I pray for every person to know that you are real and that you love them. this next year, may we know you as our best friend. always with us, always loving us. never changing. holy and beautiful. help us receive you like little children. like Buddy the elf! help us just be loved. reveal yourself to us, Lord. thank youuuu!<3